i hate sunflowers

There are people who walk into your life and stay forever.

Not because they remain beside you, but because they leave behind a version of yourself that can never be the same again.

You were one of those people. Even today, after everything that has changed, I still think of you more often than I wish I did. Not because I am waiting for you to come back. Not because I expect another chance. But because some memories become so deeply woven into your existence that they stop feeling like memories. They simply become a part of who you are.

There are days when I see someone wearing the same shade of nail polish you used to wear, and for a fraction of a second, my heart forgets reality. It genuinely feels as though you've just walked past me. Sometimes I pass a sunflower, and instead of admiring its beauty, I remember the way your eyes would light up whenever you saw one. There are roads I avoid, cafés I silently remember, songs I no longer play, and places that still carry pieces of conversations that no longer exist.

It's strange how ordinary things become extraordinary when they're attached to someone you once loved.

The hardest part isn't that you're gone.

The hardest part is that my mind still remembers every tiny detail about you—the little habits, your favorite things, the way you smiled, the moments that nobody else would ever understand. Sometimes those memories make me smile. Sometimes they quietly fill my eyes with tears before I even realize what's happening.

I don't cry because I want to hold on.

I cry because letting go of someone who meant so much is never as simple as people make it sound. Sometimes I wonder...

Do you ever remember me?

Do I ever cross your mind the way you still cross mine? I don't know the answer, and perhaps I never will. Maybe life has already carried you far beyond the chapter where I existed. Maybe you've found the happiness you always deserved.

And honestly...

I hope you have.

There was a time when I wished things had turned out differently. I questioned why I wasn't enough, why I wasn't the person you chose. Those questions stayed with me for longer than I would ever admit.

But somewhere along the way, I realized that love isn't always about being chosen.

Sometimes love is simply wishing someone well, even when that future no longer includes you.

For the last two months, I've carried a strange mixture of emotions inside me. Some days it feels like healing. Some days it feels like grief. Some days it feels like both at the same time.

The image of you inside my mind is slowly fading. Your voice isn't as clear anymore.

Your face doesn't appear as vividly as it once did. The little details that once felt permanent are quietly disappearing, one by one. Ironically, that's the part that hurts the most.

I used to wish I could forget everything overnight. I wanted every memory to disappear at once. Every road. Every place where I picked you up. Every favorite thing that reminded me of you. Every sunflower. Every little detail that made the world feel connected to your existence.

But healing doesn't work like that.

It doesn't erase people.

It gently teaches you how to carry them without letting them carry you. 

Life, to me, has always felt like a book.

And without a doubt, you are one of the most beautiful chapters I have ever lived.

Maybe even the most beautiful one.

But no matter how beautiful a chapter is, a book cannot survive if you keep reading the same pages forever.

Eventually...

You have to turn the page. Not because you've stopped loving the story. But because there are still unwritten chapters waiting for you. Life has been pushing me toward that next page for a long time now. At first, I resisted. I wanted to stay where everything still felt alive. Where your memories still felt close enough to touch.

But life has a way of moving forward, even when our hearts choose to stay behind.

The next chapter of my life won't be another love story. It will be about purpose.

About responsibility. About becoming the man I promised myself I would become.

It will be about building a career, chasing dreams that are bigger than my fears, becoming emotionally stronger, and learning that sometimes growing up means carrying silent heartbreak with grace.

Turning this page is probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But I know I have to. And if, by some strange coincidence, you ever read these words someday...

I don't want you to feel guilty.

I don't want you to feel sorry.

I don't even want you to miss me.

I simply hope that somewhere in your heart, I'm remembered with kindness.

I hope that when my name crosses your mind, it brings a gentle smile instead of sadness. Because more than anything else, I don't want to be the chapter you regret. I just want to be one of the beautiful memories you once had.

Someone who genuinely loved you.

Someone who silently wished you happiness, even from a distance.

Someone who became a better person because, for a little while, he had the privilege of knowing you.

Some people aren't meant to stay forever.

They arrive, change you, teach you how deeply a heart can feel, and quietly leave.

Maybe that was your purpose in my life.

And maybe mine was simply to love you sincerely, let you go respectfully, and carry the lessons forward.

So today...

With a grateful heart, tired eyes, and a thousand memories I'll never fully forget

I'm trying turning the page❤️